i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
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ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
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Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
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