Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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