i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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