matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
