He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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