Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
