i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
