she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
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I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
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Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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