he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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