No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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