just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
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I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
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There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize