The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
