He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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