His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
