I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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