I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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