masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
