when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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