Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
