I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
