He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize