Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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