Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize