I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
