Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
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