Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
