I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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