What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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