the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
