Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize