I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
