What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
