Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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