It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
