Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
