i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
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