she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
