I can text with my tongue
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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