I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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