I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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