So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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