ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
