i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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