she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Randomize
