$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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