1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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