So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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