she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
