Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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