dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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