how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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