so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
