Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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