Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
