i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
