i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
