Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
