My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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