So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Randomize
