He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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