He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You're a waste of cheezeits
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
