Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
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Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
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You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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