what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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