My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
