i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Randomize
