I wish I could teleport
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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