May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
