its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
