We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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