I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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