I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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