i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
