I wish I could teleport
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I need moral support for this bender
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
