cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
she smelled like a LAN party
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
