my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
