I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
